My mother finally read my blog, then called to see if I was depressed.
I’m not depressed. I did not think my blog was depressing, only informative.
However, can foster care be depressing. Sure. The whole premise is messed up (understated). Someone can not , or does not care for their child. Which might be ok, if right away those parents could figure it out and get their kids new families right away.
But that is not usually our case. Most of the time someone else has to figure it out and call the police or the abuse hotline. Those entities will then let the parents know that they can not or will not be caring for their children.
That both rocks and sucks for the parent. They may get financial relief, get rid of a child they abused, neglected or did not love. But they always know they’re child was taken (and I am mostly talking about kids who are take–not kids who are orphaned by death of parents or parents could not afford to take care of them or released their children because they feared for their lives–it happens). They can be ashamed that they could not successfully do a thing that billions of people do instinctively. Some can act out more and simply give up the fight to relate to their kids.
This both rocks and sucks for a social worker. They get to save a child. They have to physically take a child away from people they know. They have to find GOOD homes for that child–and may 18-30 more children. If you are fostering, go and find your social worker on an off day–check them out at the grocery store or something. They ooze stress and desperation–they may seem frustrating to you but I don’t want the job.
This both rocks and sucks for foster parents. Most of us don’t do it for the money, although we depend on it to care for the children we bring into our homes. It rocks because we too help save a child. Well so far I can’t see how it sucks–besides really understanding that you may be saving a child only for a moments, not a lifetime–but maybe. Oh wait, here’s what sucks, no baby showers, no cards from grandparents (although, really in my case I can not complain!) and sometimes NO WARNING.
In the middle of the triangle sits the child. Torn between what is right and what feels right. They go through a rigorous bootcamp of reattachment and health catch up. And suffer a stigma of condescension and discrimination before anyone even meets them.
But there is good news.
Apple Co-Founder Steve Jobs, actor and Rap musician Iced-T, Oscar winner Cher., Malcom X and Willie Nelson are former foster kids.
I will be asking guest bloggers foster/adoptive parents and kids to contribute to this blog. Will you be the first?