So, the teen I mentioned in –“Burning for Baby,” is back. Not staying with us, but coming over to visit, getting her rides to school. She is teetering between the angst of extreme individualization and the loss of the baby years. It’s been a little sad for LilM. She wants to continue where they left off; tickling, wrestling and getting thrown in the air. Instead she gets a dose of
“Don’t touch me! Your hands are nasty!” This of course results in the smearing of ten sticky fingers on her new school clothes.
Needless to say TeenT has received a babysitting raise.
She shows a different love, which is confusing to LilM. Yesterday, in front of LIlM’s neighborhood friends TeenT used her engineering skills to construct the coolest fort ever. It is complete with two rooms, a sunroof and two windows. It was for LilM and brought into LilM’s house for her use only.
So, on a shopping trip for reinforcements (duct tape) when LilM asked “Can I hold your hand?” and TeamT said ,”no.” LilM had to learn to be content with indirect forms of affection.
“She doesn’t want to hold my hand either.” I reassured LilM, but all that did was convince LilM that she should be able to walk in the parking lot without holding anyone’s hand.–like TeenT.
I tried to explain LilM’s confusion to TeenT, who implied (that’s the best you can do with TeenT) that she too is conflicted. She still likes to hide and hang out in small covered spaces–the fort was really for the both of them. I didn’t guilt trip her about LilM. At some point we all have to find ways to get over someone not being “into us” any more. I think this is especially true for people who are fostered or adopted.